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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747024">I miss you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KesoKeos/pseuds/KesoKeos'>KesoKeos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Keso’s Haikyuu One Shots [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, KuroTsuki Week, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, kuroo is sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:21:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KesoKeos/pseuds/KesoKeos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The long distance makes things just that much harder, and Tetsurou is afraid it’ll be the end of them.</p><p>(kurotsuki week 2020 day two)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Keso’s Haikyuu One Shots [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I miss you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, this is kinda angsty and there’s a lil bit of self hatred but I don’t think there’s anything triggering in there, but he prepared anyways</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The unsteady rhythm of a keyboard in the dark of night was one that had become all so familiar to Tetsurou, yet all too distant at the same time; fading into white noise in the background as out from his mind and the seventeen sheets of notes beside him poured out the words needed to complete this paper due the next day. Second year university was significantly more difficult than the first, especially for a guy studying biochemistry. </p><p>Along with significant amounts needed to be written in his studies, there had also been many hours spent in the University of Tokyo’s research labs. As part of what he needed to do, being a part of actual research and conducting his own scientific assessment was a part of that, and it was getting closer to the time where he would have to submit his — quite lengthy — article outlining the results. It wasn’t that he hadn’t done it and was rushing to get it done, but that he wanted to make sure everything was perfect and that he included all the necessary information and clearly explained both his research and the implications of his results. Kuroo took his work extremely seriously, after all, it was what he loved doing and wanted to do as a career in the future. It was basically what he would be doing once he actually graduated, and though it was exhausting it was so worth getting to discover something new and come up with results like he had.</p><p>He finally finalised and submitted his paper by midnight, completely happy with his work and that he’d managed to do everything he’d set out to achieve, and Kuroo didn’t hesitate to head to his bed and flop down, smooshing his head between two pillows and closing his eyes. It should have felt comfortable, and sleep should have come easily now he was finally released from the stress and constant work that he’d begun to adjust to as normality. Maybe that was why he couldn’t sleep; most nights he didn’t go to bed until after two am, that was what he was beginning to get used to. </p><p>His bed just didn’t feel right anymore, and his apartment had never felt more lonely. The loneliness he’d been surrounded by this past month had begun to take root in his heart and it wasn’t until after he took a step back he realised the emptiness in his life. Between work, his research and sleep, there was not enough time to spend with Bokuto or Kenma, let alone time with his boyfriend that aligned with their schedules.</p><p>As much as he was so passionate about what he did, Tetsurou wished that this past month, instead of the harsh noise of the keyboard filling the silence, it was the gentle taps of untrimmed fingernails against a phone screen typing out an endless stream of sweet texts. He wished that instead of the yawns and fatigued voices through the phone whenever he and his boyfriend called, it was the sound of laughter. God, he couldn’t even remember the last time he heard Kei laugh, or had seen a bright, happy smile from him instead of the worried, almost sad ones that he was usually the recipient of during their Skype calls. His heart clenched at the thought of it, at the thought of how distant Kuroo felt from him, especially this month gone by. </p><p>Long distance relationships were always going to be difficult to manage, the pair of them knew that from the day they’d gotten together. It had been when Kei had come down for his third year graduation, and how long ago it felt brought him joy and pained him simultaneously. It was November, meaning they had been together for a year and nine months, and what a wonderful time it had been. Things weren’t easy, and they definitely struggled being so far away from each other and not getting to see each other on a daily basis. Despite that, Kuroo was proud to say that even despite a couple of hiccups along the way, they had stayed strong throughout their relationship with each other. They always did everything they could to look after each other and each and every chance they had to spend in person wasn’t taken for granted. Perhaps the little things had been, though, like the times when they would spend all evening texting after work or school, the times when laughter seemed to come so naturally and the world seemed to be going round as it should. </p><p>However, these current circumstances were new and unknowns for the both of them. Never once had they both been so busy, Kei in his third year and getting closer to the last chance he had to get to nationals, and Tetsurou with his research and the part time job at the convenience store that gave him too many shifts and not enough pay for his efforts. It was an awful, sinking feeling that he was experiencing, as Kuroo found that he had many fears begin to well up in his heart as a result of the minimal amount of time they’d spent together even just talking about what was going on in their lives recently.</p><p>The fears had plagued his mind constantly, at some times more prominent than others, but he’d pushed them aside because of the need to focus for work or on his studies and perform to the best of his ability. Still, they lingered around like poison, and it wasn’t until now that Kuroo finally had too much time to think and an inability to distract himself with other things going on in life that he began to realise how much effect they had on him. It was cold in the apartment as it headed into the winter months, and Tetsurou’s life had never felt so empty. Numbness or pain — he didn’t know what he preferred, because one would be taunting him either way, tainting his once unburdened heart a deeper shade of grey.</p><p>They seemed to be drifting apart, and it would all be his fault. Tetsurou loved Kei more than anything, he’d give anything in the world to make his boyfriend happy. But he hadn’t given up his own world of study and work for him, and in his own opinion, exhaustion wasn’t an excuse. Each time he tried to assure himself that they were okay, each time he tried to justify spending so long working on his paper, or sending a goodnight text and going to sleep instead of asking how Tsukishima was doing, he couldn’t do it. If they broke apart, if he lost the love of his life, it would all be his fault.</p><p>Tetsurou didn’t understand why Kei still wanted to be with him. He couldn’t handle the pressure and it had torn him to pieces, barely able to hold on and make it through the day with exhaustion’s heavy toll. Tetsurou would always love Kei, and he wished he knew how to fix the void that had seemingly grown between them. The loneliness was impenetrable, the fatigue too much for him to take on his own, and each new day the guilt stabbing at his heart and mind with words he didn’t want to hear. All of this, yet what he was most afraid of was the day where Tsukishima would call up and tell him that they couldn’t be together anymore, that he loved him and he was sorry, but he didn’t feel like he was treated right. He was most afraid of that, because Tetsurou knew Kei would have a valid reason to feel mistreated, and he would never forgive himself for it.</p><p>And so, even despite the time and knowing the blond kept his phone on silent after ten so he could sleep, Kuroo sat up, reaching over and pulling out his phone to call him. One ring, then two, he lost count of which one it was after that, his focus barely enough to string together any coherent thoughts. “You’ve reached Tsukishima Kei, I’m afraid I can’t talk right now. Please call back later or leave a message after the beep.” </p><p>As expected it went to voicemail, yet for a few seconds he got to hear the calm voice of the man he loved fill the silence. It wasn’t the voice of his Kei, though. It didn’t hold the same tenderness and love he’d grown familiar to hearing when his boyfriend spoke to him, just the gentle and polite words for any person that might call. He almost missed the sound signalling for him to leave his voice message just thinking about it. “Uh, hi, firefly,” he began, hoping that the audio quality of the call would be enough to hide the strain of hurt in his voice. “I know we message daily, but I... I miss talking to you properly. I miss your voice, the way that you speak to me with such a sweet tone I know you save for those who you care most about, but mostly I miss all the things you have to say. I miss hearing you talk about your day, about your world and everything in it, and how you describe it in that way only you can do. My paper is finished now, it’s finally done, so I should get a chance to call with you soon... I’ll make time for you, dear, I promise. I love you, Kei. Sleep tight.” </p><p>With trembling hands, Tetsurou tapped the screen to press the hang up button, not really looking at his phone as he pulled it close to his chest and tried his best to hold back his tears. Unable to stop himself, he let the first tear fall, a weak and choked sob escaping from his lips also. “God, Kei, I’m sorry that I haven’t been a better boyfriend. You deserve so much better than what I’ve given you this last month, I don’t deserve you. If only you could hear or see me now, I bet you’d find it pitiful or repulsive. I thought that I could deal with everything going on, but I’ve barely managed to make it through. I don’t remember the last time I had a break, it’s all a blur to me.” He let out another sob, this one unable to be contained as he burst into a stream of tears. “I’m such an idiot, why did I have to mess this up? I was lucky enough to call myself his boyfriend, but I can’t even do that right. It’s all my fault.”</p><p>Unknown to him, he hadn’t actually hung up the phone, and the message continued to record. Somewhere along the line, the message limit was reached and the phone ended, but any beeping signalling this went unheard. The apartment that once was filled with the strong, emptiness of silence, was now filled with the broken cries of a man who couldn’t stand the loneliness and the cold anymore. </p><p>The apartment was filled with Tetsurou’s cries and desperate pleas as he drifted into an unrestful sleep, knowing all too well the one person he needed most wasn’t there.</p><p>x-X-x</p><p>Tetsurou knew he hadn’t been looking after himself very well this past month, but he hadn’t exactly spent time looking at himself in the mirror. The next few days he was meant to have days off from work, time he desperately needed to begin to recover. Once he got out of bed at about midday, his phone out of battery since he never turned it off the night before, he finally got around to having a proper shower instead of a quick rinse. For the first time in a while, he properly washed his hair (it was getting long, he hadn’t had it trimmed in a few months), drying it with the hairdryer, shaving, and clipping his fingernails. It seemed like a lot of effort to go to when he wasn’t going anywhere — he had no energy to leave the house unless he really needed to — and he still looked exactly how he felt; fatigued and like garbage. </p><p>His skin wasn’t as tan as it usually was, having not spent much time out in the sun, and he’d definitely lost weight. Kuroo hadn’t exactly had time for exercise within his schedule — the rare occasions he had free time during which he didn’t feel completely exhausted, it automatically went towards time with Kei or his friends. While he tried his best to keep up some activity by walking to work and university, that wasn’t nearly as much as he used to do. He wasn’t at an unhealthy weight, but his muscles weren’t defined like they used to be, and in general he just looked much smaller, especially with the way his clothes didn’t fit as nicely as they used to and hung off him somewhat. He didn’t have much chance to make home cooked meals or was too overworked to have the energy to do so, and usually ended up taking home leftover sushi or bento from the convenience store he worked at that weren’t sold.</p><p>The bags under his eyes were all too prominent; telltale signs of the many nights spent up working on uni work or simply lying awake. Tetsurou was a pathetic sight indeed, and once again his heart clenched with fears of how his boyfriend would react to seeing him in such a state. Would Kei be as disgusted as he felt about himself? </p><p>Kuroo sighed shakily, tearing his gaze away from the mirror and slipping on the hoodie he’d brought in along with his clothes to get changed into. As he exited the bathroom, there was a knock at the door, and he frowned. He hadn’t expected to see anyone today, but he just figured it was one of his friends, calling out a tired ‘I’m coming’ as he made his way to the entrance. It was clear that the apartment was a mess, as he’d not had enough time to do many of the chores and most days was too exhausted to even put what he’d worn in the basket meant for his dirty clothes. The living room wasn’t so bad, the couch simply covered in blankets, but the dining room table was littered with papers from when Tetsurou had been working on uni stuff and the kitchen sink filling up with unwashed coffee mugs and cutlery. </p><p>His heart heavy and body still weary, he unlocked the front door, opening it moments later and glancing up to see who it was. Tetsurou hadn't been thinking too much about who might be visiting, not when his mind was already occupied with its current train of negative thoughts, so when he saw who it was he didn’t know how to react. His eyes widened, and he took a couple of steps back before standing there frozen in confusion and fear. </p><p>“K-Kei?” He couldn’t find the right words to say, his voice sounding so weak and quiet compared to how it usually was, and nor could Kuroo continue looking at him for more than a few seconds, ashamed of himself. Kei was right there in front of him, just as lovely as always. Compared to himself, he was definitely an angel, and his heart ached with the knowledge that he wasn’t anywhere near as wonderful as the male in front of him, not deserving of him. The tears from that night quickly began to well in Tetsurou’s eyes, his hands shaking as he tried to take deep breaths. And then, his eyes widened, an overwhelming feeling taking over and causing him to let out a sob. So this was it, he didn’t want it to be it, but he would accept it if it brought the blond happiness. “Are you... are you here to break up with me?”</p><p>Even as the words spilled out, Tetsurou knew that he couldn't do this, he couldn’t face what the voices that told him were reality, and he was so afraid that the blond would only be more inclined to leave him when he saw the state Kuroo was in. He didn’t register the sound of bags dropping onto the ground at the entrance with a gentle thud or the soft footsteps, only the sound of the door closing with a loud slam. His eyes were closed, stinging with tears as they began to fall. </p><p>Then, he found himself being pulled into a gentle embrace, and that was when it all came spilling out once more. Tetsurou sobbed quietly, burying his face in the crook of his neck and whimpering as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “Oh, Tetsu,” he heard Kei mumble, the blond gently running a hand through Kuroo’s dark hair and hushing him softly. “No, no, no, god no. I’m not leaving you, my love, I promise.”</p><p>The older male’s breath hitched, and he let out another choked sob, unable to stop the cries from escaping him. The amount of love in Kei’s voice, laced with worry and care, he couldn’t understand it. “But I’ve been such a horrible boyfriend, I’ve barely talked to you this last month, and I can’t even take care of myself properly,” Kuroo tried to explain, his voice strained and sounding just as broken as he felt. </p><p>“I don’t know what’s made you think like this, but you’re not a bad boyfriend nor are you pitiful, and I have absolutely no reason to want to break up with you. I’ve got you, I’m right here, and it’s all going to be okay now. You’ve been working so hard, it’s understandable that you’d be exhausted and stressed, and even if you struggled you made it through. I couldn’t be prouder to call you mine, Tetsu, and even if you can’t I’ll look after you. Please, let me look after you,” the blond pleaded softly, pulling away and tenderly cupping his cheek, tilting his head so that their eyes met. </p><p>There was such a loving look in Kei’s honey-brown eyes, an unending care in his expression — in that gentle smile that he’d grown so fond of seeing — and Tetsurou felt a wave of relief wash over him at the sight. He murmured a quiet ‘okay’ at the last thing Tsukishima said, sniffling softly and trying to blink away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. As Kuroo continued to listen to him, he tried his best to calm down, his sobs slowly dying down as he focused on what the blond had to say rather than the voices in his head. </p><p>“I love you so much, Tetsurou, don’t ever think I don’t want you. This month has been so hard, but it wasn’t your fault. Ever since my birthday when you came to visit, we’ve both been busy, me with studying and volleyball and you with your studies and work. Our schedules just didn’t align, and I know we both did the best we could to make it work from a distance. We aren’t falling apart, we aren’t drifting away from each other, and I’m not going to let you go. It’s Friday now, and I’m here until around lunch time on Monday, so we can have all weekend to catch up and spend your birthday together,” Tsukishima continued, tenderly brushing away his tears and gently beginning to place gentle kisses on his cheeks where the tears had trailed. “I was originally planning to come just for the weekend, but when I heard your voicemail I couldn’t wait. I’m ahead of everything, so missing two days won’t hurt me and you don’t need to worry about any of that. I’m yours, Tetsu.”</p><p>Tetsurou’s eyes widened, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he felt a warmth in his chest. He’d been deprived of all sorts of affection since they’d last seen each other, and finally having returned to being in Kei’s arms began to fill the void of loneliness that had become so prevalent in his life. “Really? We have all weekend together?” he whispered hopefully, a small smile making its way to his lips when he saw the nod in affirmation, a few more tears sliding across his cheeks. “I didn’t even remember it was my birthday soon, that doesn’t even matter to me anymore. I just, I missed you so much,” Kuroo mumbled, returning to burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck and nuzzling him softly. He slowly began to breathe properly again, not letting go of Kei, who gently ran his fingers through his hair to try and soothe him as much as he could. “I know it’s irrational, but I felt like I didn’t deserve you and was so afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore. I love you, Kei, I love you more than anything in this world.”</p><p>Tsukishima hummed softly to let him know that he had heard and understood, quickly slipping off his shoes before gently scooping Kuroo into his arms and carrying him to the couch. Usually it was the other way around, but at that moment neither of them really cared. All that mattered was that they were close together, that they could begin to heal the pain and fill their lives with the warmth of love once again. “I know you love me, dummy,” Kei assured him quietly, “and I missed you too. Even your stupidly fluffy rooster-like bed hair, and especially your dorky smile. I won’t say this often, but you’re so unfairly adorable when you smile, and when you’re truly happy even your eyes light up too and I feel so lucky to be with you in that moment. I hated hearing you so upset, and I’ll do whatever I can to cheer you up and make sure you know that I’ll always be yours. No matter what you look like though, let me promise you, I will never stop loving you. There’s nobody out there that I love or ever will love more than you, Kuroo Tetsurou, distance won’t change that.”</p><p>Just as he finished speaking, Kei sat down with the older male on his lap and held him close, giving him a loving smile. Tetsurou didn’t hesitate to curl up to him, cherishing the moment that he’d been longing for so desperately for so long. As he felt his boyfriend gently rub his back he completely relaxed into the embrace, looking up at the blond. As his own hazel eyes met his Kei’s, a smile made its way to his face, and he let out a content sigh. Things weren’t perfect yet, they still had a few months before the younger could move in and they could truly close the distance between them, but deep down they both knew they would get through whatever came their way, together.</p>
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